Lately, I have been approached by nagging thoughts about the future- whether or not there will be tiny nano-robots floating through our blood streams, whether the newsprint business is going out of business, 0r whether the music business will continue going on the current soul-crushing path it's on now.
Tonight, I took a walk home in the rain. Spirits high, caffeine buzzing in my bloodstream from a latte from Le Croissanterie, it suddenly didn't matter that my bag weighed ten pounds, my plonking suede shoes were half a size too big and soaking through with the speed of a leaking pen, and that my thin tights were ill-equipped against the wind and rain.
I plugged in my earphones, clicked on some Gershwin, and followed the ribbon of Victorian-style lamp posts down Sherbrooke. I passed the Museum district opposite the row of wildly luxe hotels, tilted my umbrella to old men in trench coats, peered into tediously arranged store windows, and breathed in fresh spring rain.
Walking through a city on a rainy night incites in one a certain feeling of comfort. With the rain drops playing percussion to a soft, bluesy piano melody in your head, there is complete certainty that Ernest Hemingway, Woody Allen, Tom Waitts, Carey Grant, Audrey Hepburn, and countless others have walked in your steps. This is a strange nostalgia, a memory so strong and so communal through such a grand expanse of time. I stepped into the dirty '30s tonight, passed girls in high-waisted flapper skirts under mangled umbrellas; the 1890's offered the architectural backdrop to a black and white film. The ghosts of all who have come before became silhouettes on the street, umbrellas dropping with rain water.

It's nice to know that the past, the present, and the future are united in one thing.


With this post, something I haven't done in a while.
TEN SONGS FOR WALKING ON A RAINY NIGHT (To be played in this order, and only this order)
1. Rhapsody in Blue // George Gershwin
2. A Case of You // Diana Krall (cover of Joni Mitchell)
3. The Piano Has Been Drinking // Tom Waits
4. You Don't Know Me // Michael Buble
5. Christmastime Is Here // Vince Guaraldi Trio
6. Paris // Camille
7. A Change Is Gonna Come // Sam Cooke
8. Cafe Bleu // SoHa
9. A Song For You // Herbie Hancock ft. Christina Aguilera
10. Song For The Asking // Simon & Garfunkel

GAH.

ANGER.


That is all.

December 10th, 2006 flashback

"What I needed was a realization that I wasn't a robot and could feel real emotions, that I was deeper than a kiddie pool and could connect on a level a little more personal than cellphones and acronym-filled MSN messages. I gave up my Livejournal because my own juvenile delinquency, my ridiculously emotive bleeding-heart posts were tiring me out beyond belief, and needless to say, I was sick of it. So I closed my doors to the personal blogging world and filled out my very basic, very minimal Yahoo 360 required for school. But I'm back (I hope), because words were just going to waste in my head.

What I want to remember right now is how it felt the moment I stepped into the school hallway for the first time back in kindergarten. The itching of a stiff red dress and feigned excitement on my face. That's what I want to remember. Because right now, I'm about seven months to the end of small white rooms and posters on the door, and decorated lockers on my birthday; stiff green attached desks, and locker combinations scrawled on sweaty palms of teenage boys. Am I prepared?
No freakin' way at all.
Progression is natural and graduation is inevitable. So why am I still sitting here, wondering where all that time went and regretting I had done more with it?
Obviously this is only high school graduation, and I'm kidding myself to think that my life has even begun; but I don't want to forget this, you know?
It's funny, I've spent about 16 and a half years imagining myself one level up in University, seeing me with freedom and independence and a higher level of maturity; but now as I'm nearing the end of my 17th, the future has started to freak me out like no other.
S'messed up, I'll tell you that much."

Am I what I was expecting?

Things I Would Rather Do Than Be A Journalist

- Public relations for a theatre/opera house
- Host a talk show
- Busk
- Move to New York and be a personal shopper
- Be an Ad agent
- Act (movies or theatre)
- Be a pastry chef in France
- Scout music for a record company
- Write poetry
- Screenwrite
- Flip houses

And of course there's always the option of marrying rich and spending my days traveling.

Endless possibilities!